Saturday, May 8, 2010
I’m caught in the quicksand of consumerism. I was doing so well- trying to save money, but mostly limiting the influx of new ephemera into my space. I had a mission.
Clean up. Clean out. CHUCK!
Then everything started to fall apart. No reason to save for a Chinese vacation when the couple I was planning to go with is splitting up. Mama moved to Mississippi….unsure when she’ll come back. Depends on the health of my grandparents. Back pain gearing up again. And I find myself abandoning my newfound minimalist principles in favor of…
3 huge portraits of Audrey Hepburn as Holly Golightly (not just of the same celeb- the same character)
2 mini cork boards
2 round decorator pillows for my bedroom
2 reams of decorative computer paper
7 purse-size notebooks
3 packs of greeting cards, Scrapbook paper & crafting stickers, $40 Flip Flops, Black rosebud earrings, Silver lariat,Travel size manicure set,Set of 3 stackable “silver” rings,Bib necklace (swapped rather than bought) Purple eyeliner( also a swap & like I need more purple cosmetica) Garage sale signs (no, I’m not having a garage sale)Wrapping paper & colored tissue paperBubble wrapPadded mailersBobbi Brown makeup (which seems to have kicked off the downward spiral)
And at least 33 bottles of nailpolish (of varying sizes)
It’s insane. I can see that it’s insane. And yet, I can’t seem to get control of it. Ironic, since the underlying psychological cause was to gain control of my world.
I get very hung up on funeral attire. I do. It’s something I can control. It’s a way to show respect. And it’s meaningless in the grand scheme of things. When problems are too big to manage, I instead put all my focus into something insignificant.
I can’t fix my friends’ problems. When Nerfherder married the Yellow Rose of Texas, I wasn’t sure they’d be happy, but I was sure that he would be faithful. Over the years of their marriage, I got closer & closer to Rose. Then out of the blue, Nerf decides he wants out & wants in to someone else’s pants. I talked to him. He won’t be disuaded by me. I can’t fix him and I don’t know how to operate in this new relationship where he’s so lost . I don’t know how I’m supposed to be. This situation never occurred to me. Rose & I are figuring out our new relationship as we go. But this reality is harsh & I want to escape into a thousand shades of nail polish.
I can’t control the health of my grandparents. I have very little influence over how my mother chooses to care for them. My relationship with my mother can no longer exist in it’s previous manner. I don’t see her everyday at work. I can’t sit at her lunch table & get a hug or advice. So, I need to figure out the new way that things are going to be. Talking to her is going to require effort now. I have to rearrange my schedule for that.
My retail therapy is sucking me dry of time & money. And what’s the point of having fabulous nails when I don’t have the time to do my hair, I ask you?
Put the plastic down.