Sunday, March 21, 2010


Let me preface this by saying : I am a waterbaby. I love being in the water. My first swim instructor had to hang on to my diaper to FORCE me to come up for air, because I would have swum the length of the pool in 2 breaths. Back when I could swim everyday, the best part of my day was floating in the deep end. I've always drunk water like it was going out of style, condescending to drink cokes or *shivers* ...koolaid...only when there was no other childhood choice. I'd play in the bath for as long as my mother would let me, turning myself into a little prune. The shower became my sanctuary during grief- the only place I could break down was inside those plastic curtains.
So, for me to find a way to be wet that is awful, is...well....awful.
But I'm there. For the last 3 months, almost every night I have wet the bed. Not in the traditional bed-wetting sense. That would be too easily solvable. Adult diapers, though embarrassing, would allow me to sleep through the night. No. This is worse. And worse yet- mysterious. I'm sweating. I'm sweating from places I didn't know you could sweat from. My wrists. Who thinks about sweating from your WRISTS? This is not the neighbor's cat leaving a spot the size of 2 pizzas.My diet hasn't changed. New medications were stopped & restarted with no impact on the situation. I've tried sleeping while wearing deodorant. Even sleeping while wearing pajamas. I've tried lessening my bedding, but all that does is make me cold when dry and freezing when wet. Fixed the ceiling fan to no avail. Except to determine that my ceiling is not level and that the fixed fixture for ceiling fans will ultimately warp the motor of any fan I put in that room. And now, I also have my father's filthy handprint on the ceiling at which to stare.
I'm used to sleeping 9-10 straight hours. I need more sleep than the average bear & I need it continuously. Not doled out in 3-4 hour increments. This up again, down again lifestyle is not for me. The dreams I have are more vivid now, whether that is a symptom or merely a result of waking up in the wrong part of my sleep cycle, I don't know. I wake up and have to blow dry the bed. I got a moisture-proof mattress cover to protect my fabulous new mattress, evidently a prudent purchase. The problem is that since the moisture can't go straight down, it wicks out to the sides. I'm left with a thoroughly damp spot covering more than 1/2 the bed, punctuated with areas of saturation. Sometimes, I try to merely move to the driest spot & continue to sleep, but that is never restive. At first, it was merely a moisture problem, without odor. Now, I'm apparently dehydrated enough to have reached the stage of stinkiness.
My doctor wasn't too concerned about my plight. He ran some blood tests & determined that I was overmedicated for my thyroid disorder. I'm not sure it would be prudent to attack him with water pistols at our next appointment, but it's the only idea I have had to illustrate the severity of my problem. Surely if this were menopause, I would have some waking symptoms. Maybe I've got a split personality & only my sleeping self is going through the Change. Either way, I think I would be content to never sweat again. To quote Joss Whedon- "No body wants to be Moist...a bunch of overactive pores".

1 comment:

  1. "at my most bad*** i make people feel like they need to take a shower...i'm not ELE material."

    but, perhaps...the problem is an evil super villain trying to get into the henchmen's league. contact dr horrible and see if the fact that i'm willing to grow a mustache for him will be enough to convince him to call his evil moisture buddy off and let you get some sleep.

    i think there are three people in this world who will absolutely understand every word of that. you and i are two of them.